Johnny’s secret?  Distract them from his cold sore with big hair.

They didn’t call Linda ‘Lady Pop-A-Squat’ for nothin’.

Manuel is always complaining about how hard it is to maintain his look.  But ‘urban douche’ never goes out of style.

Dondra was as proud of her nails as she was of the toilet seat on which she displayed them.

“Shame” wasn’t the intended title of Ahmed’s clever ‘Morning After’ picture, but it’s what we all knew he was feeling.

And that was the day everyone realized Britney was America’s first ass-to-chest breast enhancement candidate.

Katie had the perfect profile picture: that weekend at the lake when she looked so radiant.

Mike had a great sense of humor.  Even when his mouth was filled with puppy brains and blood.

Sure, Andrea knew how to look happy.  But no one was falling for it.

All in the interest of aiding the online dater…